I really have been in quite the funk lately. I have always been incredibly self analytical when it comes to my moods and behavior ... which, thankfully, has allowed me to stay off therapist's couches for most of my life. I approach my terribly altered moods ... for the most part ... as amateur scientific studies. As with any scientific study ... it is best to remain as objective as possible in order to reduce biased interpretations of the results. Since I am analyzing myself through internal dialogue with 'myself' ... you would immediately conclude that I could not be biased because a part of 'me' .... the analyzer ... would be protective and defensive of ... well ... myself. Here's the great thing about this scenario, though ... I am undoubtedly harder on myself than anybody else could ever be .... so you see ... there really is no chance for conflict of interest ... with myself .... and I indubitably get to the bottom of my 'mood poisoning'.
Now ... where were we .... Oh, yes ... my funk.
After days and days of analytical discovery and hours of self evaluation .... I have come to the unmistakable conclusion that I think way too often of my own problems and far too few of others.
I have been watching documentaries lately in order to be inspired to a 'call for action' of sorts. I am horribly lazy by nature when it comes to getting into the thick of it and require a virtual kick in the ass typically to get off the sidelines and start to get in the game. I only know that the more I start to ponder the woes of others ... do my piddly problems become inconsequential. That's not to say that I don't have feelings and problems that need attending to ... it's just that if I allow my mood to be poisoned by constantly obsessing about drama and endless lists of wrongs in my life .... large or small ... I feel certain that I would turn into the type of person that I abhor: A self involved, pot stirring drama queen who feels so wronged by the world and is such a victim that she has no other recourse than to constantly suck energy from all that come near her in order to feed the bottomless pit of neediness. Bleccccchhhhhhh!! Yikes ... Even just writing that gave me the shivers ....
So .... I will forcibly banish the funk to the outer regions of my consciousness in order to get on with life in an enjoyable, positive manner and vow to do something wonderful this week for someone else that has far more pressing needs than me. Selfishly ... I will do something selfless.
