Hey Ya'll - Here I am!

So .... this is blogging ....

Seems a little intimidating at first .... but I've never been one to shy away from a daunting situation. Matter of fact ... most of my friends would agree that I actually do best when under pressure. I can think more clearly .... the world slows down in my head when insane events are going on around me and become incredibly coherent. Kind of like in the Matrix when Keanu Reeves' character does a crazy, slow motion back-bend trying to escape a bullet! Yes ... that is my awesome brain .... Neo.

Well ... the name of my blog kind of says it all ..... I wanted to choose a blog name that really sells itself and in the same vein allows my readers to get a gist of what they are in for. (yes ... I know you are not supposed to end a sentence with a friggin' preposition ... but I write as I speak .... and if you are pretentious enough to point this out .... we probably shouldn't hang out)

As some of you know ..... I AM a TWIST in every sense of the word: A contortion, a spin, a warp, a turn of events, a surprise, a mindtrip ..... hmmmm. Get it?

My full name at birth was TYRA WYNNE TWIST. A moniker such as this conjures all kinds of images. A stripping pole dancer? A black girl with a penchant for highly decorated long fingernails? Anything but a little southern (that's kinda' debatable) white girl who at 18 drove a preppy convertible red VW rabbit!

Anyway .... you can only imagine growing up with a unique name like this .... you tend to either live it down .... OR try and live up to it. I, with much glory and fanfare, did the latter.... (as I'm sure you will read in future blogs)

So ... kind readers .... as I write this today .... I am now Tyra Twist Amrein. Not hyphenated .... as I find that a difficulty with children. The doctors and teachers are always wondering how to file me alphabetically .... and after losing me in dusty file cabinets one too many times .... I just go by Tyra Amrein with Twist as my middle name. You may be wondering why I decided not to just drop that cuckoo last name and keep the benign "Wynne"?

Well .... a name like that becomes so deeply ingrained in your spirit and psyche that separating yourself entirely from it would be like surgically removing Siamese Twins from each other .... yes .... it's painful and makes life easier .... BUT not entirely necessary if you can find a way to live harmoniously with each other.

After marrying my husband (we'll just call him Hot Geek Boy) .... it was an incredible repose to go from Twist to Amrein. I was, for the first time in my life, nearly anonymous. I got a chance to be the type of person where their name does not precede them. It was bliss beyond bliss. (Sidebar: My father married a Swedish gal .... we'll call her Hot Cougar Swede .... anyway .... When I was 18, we went to Stockholm, Sweden in order for them to get married. When my soon to be step-mother introduced me to her contemporaries ... their eyes would get really big and then they would snicker or outright laugh a bit .... I finally found out that my name, TYRA, in Swedish is akin to being named Ethel or Edna !! It is a very old fashioned 'grandma' type name .... so you see, even in other countries I cannot catch a break with my name!)

Of course, I'm not so self involved that I think that I am the only person on the planet that has ... well let's just say it .... a distinctively loony name. Celebrities are absolutely notorious for trying to pre-market their infants by saddling them with unforgettable names.

Although, I really don't mind that Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple .... cause his last name is Martin, an unexceptional last name .... But if his last name was something weird like Pie or Pandowdy and THEN they dared to name him Apple .... that would just be grounds for immediate jail time in my book for Gwynnie and Chris ...(by the way .... are they still together???).

So .... the moral to the story is .... one weird name is more than sufficient to screw up your kid's life for a good majority of their lives. Two weird names? Then your parents probably grew up in the 60's and were downing a serious amount of blotter acid.

Wow .... this blogging thing wasn't so bad after all ....

Until next time ....

t-