I can really be an outspoken (capital 'T') Twat when it comes to food in general. But I know what I like ... and apparently that 'food confidence' somehow translates to a general aura that I know what the hell I'm talking about.
I get asked this question a lot: What is your favorite restaurant in Louisville?
I think that is like asking someone which is your favorite child.
And my answer is always the same: I dunno, depends on my mood.
I think that's comparable with most people though. Your favorite restaurant may simply be attached to your craving whim. But, if I only had one dream day to spend in Louisville .... Here's pretty much how it would play out in my mind:
6am - Get up. Realize it's 6am ... get back in bed and sleep for another 2 hours. (I think about chastising my butler for not closing the blinds completely, but hey, everybody makes mistakes.)
Oh yeah ... did I forget to mention that I have a Butler? AND I'm staying in a swanky suite at The Seelbach Hotel? (C'mon ... this is my dream day!)
Wait ... Is it too late to make my Butler, Johnny Depp?? Nope?
Well, alrighty then ... Done!
For the purposes of this blog ... my Butler will henceforth be Johnny Depp. But not creepy, unbearably weird 'Willy Wonka' Johnny Depp. Let's make him an amalgamation of a 'Jack Sparrow/Don Juan DeMarco/Donnie Brasco' Johnny Depp) Good. We've got that sorted.
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| No, no Butler Johnny Depp ... the cocktail is for me!! |
8am - I made a valiant attempt to go back to sleep for a few hours but spent the entirety of that time staring at Butler Johnny Depp. Creepily. With one eye peering out from under the covers. I distract Butler Johnny Depp by having him run off to Heine Brothers to grab me a coffee with an inordinate amount of cream and a quick stop-off at Krispy Kreme Donut for one original glazed and one original chocolate. They, of course, arrive freshly cooked and warm.
How can one possibly be expected to eat Krispy Kreme Donut any other way???
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If you're going to bring me Krispy Kreme Donuts,
this is pretty much the amount I'll need. |
8:01am - I quickly come to the realization that Johnny Depp has no sexual chemistry with me whatsoever because I'm not a vapid, blonde twig model with a bizarre gap in my teeth. I ditch the idea of an all day long sex romp and remind myself that I am, in fact, in the midst of a full blown food romp.
8:04am - I have an entire team of stylists sashay through the suite showing me the latest in designer clothing and shoes. I frustratingly shoo them all away because they are arrogant, self loathing pricks and just don't get the point of the day. I am not a NYC model. I am a Kentucky girl. We eat. So, I pick out a gorgeous black pair of Target yoga pants, a Ralph Lauren flannel button down shirt and a set of black Tory Burch knee high leather boots. (I'm not a complete fashion neophyte ... I likes me some shoes!)
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| Seriously. No, really. Look at this car! |
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| He cuts an awesome figure ... even if he is Mute David Beckham |
9:01am - Breakfast beckons and I have Butler Johnny Depp call for my chauffeur driven Ferrari F12 Berlinetta, which happens to be the coolest car that isn't completely douchey. My chauffeur is a mute David Beckham. (cause, really? He's pretty much a mimbo and undeniably hot so I sincerely struggled with the idea that even though the British accent is crazy sexy, alas, he's super dumb. So, let's err on the side of caution ... He's mute.) Mute David Beckham rushes around to open my car door before doing a little hacky sack after I'm seated to entertain me 'jester style'.
Onto the first restaurant which will be:
THE SILVER DOLLAR - I love this place. I hear mixed reviews all the time. But you shouldn't listen to those people. They probably did really poorly on their ACT's and are pissed drunk most of the time anyway. It's Louisville's best version of the least sucky hipster saloon experience. They have an actual record playing stereo system and spin some of the most esoteric, cool songs that you forgot you loved. This sets the tone fittingly for their menu. Knowing that daylight is burning, I expeditiously order that meritorious southern favorite, fried pickles with a horseradish ranch aioli. Those fried pickles are what I would consider the perfect amuse bouche for Silver Dollar. I then order the chicken 'n waffles. This is a requisite item in an establishment of this sort, but ... seriously worth mentioning .... somebody's southern Momma must be in the kitchen, because this dish always hits the right notes .. and those notes are playing 'I'm Your Hoochie Coochie Man' by Muddy Waters. Wait .... do my eyes deceive me?? They happen to only serve chicken 'n' waffles on their dinner menu .... but this is my perfect day .... so I will have chicken 'n' waffles posthaste! For dessert ... I order the Flank Steak and Eggs. A delicious combination of coffee & spice rubbed flank steak grilled to perfection served with perfectly cooked over medium eggs and a smoky poblano sauce. It may be my favorite breakfast dish of all time.
http://www.whiskeybythedrink.com/
10:35am - I finish my meal and Mute David Beckham piggy backs me to our car, pours me in and awaits instructions. I tell him to head to St. Matthews.
11:22am - (It typically only takes 8 minutes or so to get from Clifton to St Matthews ... but I made Mute David Beckham pull over, get out and do some soccer drills .... shirtless. We worked up an appetite.)
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| Swoonworthy |
SIMPLY THAI - Louisville simply isn't a mecca of southeast Asian delights when it comes to restaurants ... but I thank Siddhartha every day for leading the owners of Simply Thai to Louisville, Ky. Inarguably, Simply Thai has THE best Tom Kha with fish/shrimp in the history of Tom Kha. Ok. You got me. I haven't tasted an insane amount of Tom Kha ... but if I was Thai ... I would expect this would be their best version of a southern chicken soup or a latin madre's posole. Flippin' amazing, it is. Next up, I order their loaded fried rice with chicken (hell .. let's make it extra chicken). Remember people, this is Thai fried rice. It is like a Thai version of Paella. They cook crispy bits of rice and the smoky flavor from the sesame oil is just off the charts. For my final course, I order the chicken coconut pineapple curry. I am a demented mess when it comes to coconut. Truly. I could eat an aspirin if it was doused in coconut milk. Simply Thai's dish has that perfect balance between sweet and spicy with a luscious, velvety curry sauce that I crave fortnightly.
http://simplythaiky.com/
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| Brooke Eckmann, Farm Chick. |
1:47pm - It's time to put the petal to the metal and head out to Shelbyville, KY to Ambrosia Farm. I need to do a little walking and tasting to regain my eating strength.
AMBROSIA FARM - If you have been lucky enough to taste the beyond delicious and sometimes exotic tomatoes that Brooke Eckmann grows on her farm at Ambrosia ... then you are in a very special club, my friend. Brooke, in another life, could have been a CEO model/clothing designer. She's honestly that adorably smart and hot. However, if you ever get a chance (and I really hope you do) to meet Brooke ... glance down at her hands. She has permanent dirt under her fingernails and hard-to-wash-off stains on her finger tips. She is the real deal, people. A dyed in the wool farmer chick. She is growing some of the most fantastic produce that the Louisville area has to offer. She has a summertime farmer's market of sorts at her homestead on certain days and sells the bulk of her produce to the lucky, 'in the know' chefs in town. Brooke leads me along a perfectly manicured yard, past an old refurbished tobacco barn and over to rows upon rows of varietal tomatoes. Brooke stands proudly and talks excitedly as she instructs me on the finer merits of the planting season. She has me taste tomatoes straight from the vines ... their sun warmed, sweet juice dripping down my chin as I gobble up every nectarous bite. To say that this is a religious experience would not be an understatement. As my perfect intermezzo comes to an end ... I get a sweaty hug from Brooke (who eyes Mute David Beckham wantonly) and bids me a fond 'bye y'all'.
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| The infamous Black & Blue Mojito |
https://www.facebook.com/AmbrosiaFarm
5:03pm - According to my internal Happy Hour clock ... it is time to grab a cocktail!! My absolute favorite cocktail in the entire known universe is at a restaurant not necessarily known for their drinks. But they certainly should be!
SEVICHE RESTAURANT - Helmed by one of the most adorably spicy and non-apologetically cocky chefs in the city .... Anthony Lamas, to me, is someone scientists should harvest DNA samples from and clone for future generations to study for his 'in your face' food craftmanship and outright culinary boldness. I love sitting at Seviche's bar when I eat. It is akin to an upscale 'Cheers' type situation. It is a great Highlands neighborhood hang, that is, if your neighbors are debutantes, CEO's and movers and shakers of the like. But the cool ones ... not the stuffy wankers. Before I can even take my seat at the bar, my favorite mixologist, Lindsay Franzen, has my drink waiting for me. Seriously. She does this nearly every time. I heart her for reasons she will never understand. This drink was concocted for me when I couldn't decide between a blackberry mojito and a blueberry mojito. Lindsay threw them together and made me a Black & Blue Mojito. There are no ingredient shortcuts for this drink. This is, as we say in the south, made from scratch using the freshest of ingredients as well as a high end rum. It is topped off with a stalk of sugar cane as a garnish which I think is exceedingly charming and after a few of these beauties ... I usually find myself gnawing on one of them. I can't leave this establishment without having my grazing ritual. I start by ordering one of the best seviche dishes in the known recorded history of seviches. The Big Eye Tuna Seviche. It is made with fresh line-caught tuna diced into perfect bite sized cubes, sesame, jalapeno, locally microbrewed soy sauce, coconut milk and love. For my next plate, I order the deconstructed duck nachos. Trust me. Order them. They are unexpected and scrumptious. I simply could not leave this place without having one of Chef Lamas' signature Bloody Mary Oyster Shooters made with his own chef-inspired, bottled and marketed Bloody Mary mix. An absolute revelatory dish. Love it each and every time I try one.
http://www.sevicherestaurant.com/
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| This Big Eye Tuna Seviche dish is the bomb diggity. |
7:46pm - Thank goodness for Mute David Beckham's arm escort and driving capabilities! Phewwwww. Those mojitos are good stuff and go down way too easy! But now ... I feel the call of Italy.
VOLARE' RESTAURANT - When I was in culinary school, they simply did not teach Italian cuisine. Their reasoning? Italian cuisine does not have technique. I wholeheartedly disagree with this line of thinking and dare anyone to believe this ridiculousness once they have tasted Chef Josh Moore's food. As I head to the bar, I hear my buddy, Robbie Bartlett's, sexy sultry voice beckoning me. It must be a Thursday because on those evenings, you can find this songstress belting out an array of musical standards in the vast bar area. I order my absolute favorite bottle of red wine, Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, every time I come to Volare'. It is of the Sangiovese grape varietal from a town in Montepulciano, Italy. It hits all my favorite wine notes and it simply wouldn't be a trip to Volare' without it. Chef Josh Moore's take on nouveau italian cuisine merits a bit of discussion. On the menu, don't be surprised if you don't find an assortment of 'mamma mia' style spaghetti and meatballs dishes. It is filled with more sophisticated, mouth watering items such as Osso Bucco atop a saffron risotto, Chilean seabass in a piccata sauce, Paparadelle in a veal demi glace cream sauce and one of my favorite appetizers, the perfectly seared sea scallops set atop a white truffle pea puree with pancetta and micro greens. You could literally throw a dart blindfolded at the menu and find a dish that would make you giddy. Furthermore, Chef Josh Moore is a gentleman farmer in his own right! He serves his own homegrown produce seasonally. Pretty cool, huh?
http://www.volare-restaurant.com/
8:50pm - After such an excitement of flavors ... I decide to get down to brass tacks and the meat of the matter.
JEFF RUBY'S STEAKHOUSE - I stopped eating in the dining room of Jeff Ruby's after the first year it was opened. There was just too much going on in the bar area to miss. (Wait. Sidebar: .... this dining in the bar thing has become a running theme! I'm having a self-realization moment.) Every Friday, Saturday night Jeff Ruby's has live music in their bar area. I typically will only go on the nights they employ Robbie Bartlett ... so for these purposes ... let's just say that while I was eating at Volare', Mute David Beckham whisked Robbie Bartlett and her band quickly to Jeff Ruby's for my evening's singing pleasure. There are only a few things that I will go to Jeff Ruby's to eat. First is The Freddie salad. But only during the summer. It is simple, but I crave it the minute I walk through the door. It is essentially a BLT in salad form with house made ranch dressing and topped with fresh cracked pepper. Next is the dry-aged bone in rib-eye cooked medium. It is simply one of the best steak selections that I have ever tasted. Typically, if I don't get the bone-in ribeye then my 'go to' choice is the bone in veal chop topped with a perfectly cooked foie gras and a side of Bearnaise sauce. Seriously ... I am probably going to hell for that decadent plate of food ... but if the devil is tempting me with this .... I'm all in. There are several high end steak house choices in Louisville. But for food, atmosphere, swank & cool factor? This is my only choice.
http://www.jeffruby.com/louisville
10:46pm - As my debauched & hedonistic day draws to a close, I still have a bit of a dessert itch to scratch. I could go one of two ways with this. Mute David Beckham is just going to have to keep the midnight oil burning because looks like we are going with both!
SWEET SURRENDER - Upon entrance, I realize that this is clearly a stoner's paradise. My sweet tooth is aching mercilessly looking at all the selections in the deli cases. From the Belgian Chocolate Cake to the Banana Split Cake or the Chocolate Raspberry Torte to the Toffee Bars, cupcakes and assortment of fresh baked cookies ... my mind is swirling. It's simply a matter of time before Mute David Beckham will be called in to carry me to the car after I go into a sugar induced coma. This is seriously one of the best dessert shops in Louisville and you'd be hard-pressed to choose a favorite.
http://www.sweetsurrenderdessertcafe.com/
11:25pm - Not to be bested by a pastry ... my pride forces me forward.
HOMEMADE ICE CREAM & PIE KITCHEN - This is a hometown favorite and everyone has their 'go to' dessert at this fantastic place. Mine, however, without a single doubt is the Caramel Apple Pie (heated) with homemade vanilla bean ice cream a'la mode. It is the crowning finish to what can only be described as a mindblowing, flawlessly perfect pig-out.
http://www.piekitchen.com/
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The caramel topping is like a mixture of caramel icing and fudge.
Just unbelievably good! |
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. If my last day on earth suddenly presented itself .... it would look a little bit like this from a culinary perspective. I hope this was an illuminating journey for you all.
CHEERS!
